Time Machine?

I’m going to embark on a time machine
If I would be able to go meet you again
I wouldn’t ask for more
Before it becomes a distant fleeting memory
I need a time machine . . .

A light of smoke puffed like the softest cloud from two cups of hot tea. Hot black tea, the one of their favorites. For the girl_who stared quietly through the café’s window with those lifeless look, hot black tea reminded her of their first (and maybe this time was their last) encounter. She liked its color, just simply clear black. Black got her of two meanings in life: gloom and mysterious. She would drink the black tea when her heart feeling so gloomy, then believed something mysterious would appear. A year ago, the guy_who sat across her this time_came into her life for the first time, right after finishing her tea. How life passed so mysteriously.

For the guy, hot black tea was worth for its taste. The bitter one. He just do loved it. The taste reflected the memories he wanted to remember. Their first encounter, their first date, their first kiss, also their first fight. Love, hope, anger, lust, disappointment, jealousy, all mixed in a cup of hot black tea, in their story. Story was going to the end, maybe.

“Guess we’re over.” Plainly, Siwon as the guy uttered. And Yoona_or the girl, just slowly blinked her eyes. Her eyelash moved beautifully while her view didn’t move from the window.

“I guess.” Plain as well, she spoke up. Hardly audible.

And for the second time, an icy atmosphere was hung on the air. Tough the café was crowded today, at the corner was just silent. They both were busy with their own memories.

Soon, the smoke from their cups was slowly gone. The tea was no longer too hot. Automatically, their hand moved in unison, reached their own cup. Siwon and Yoona were used to do that together, since only God knew how long.

Yoona lifted her cup and stared the liquid inside. Still, clear black. She could see her reflection there, lifeless and utterly sad. Siwon gulped his tea, slowly felt the liquid burry his tongue and down to his throat. Tasted bitter, as what displayed on his face now.

A moment later, they looked up to see each other. No need words, all feel they felt was already shown on their face. Yoona knew what his look meant, and Siwon got what her expression said.

“We made a mistake. No one is innocent in this case.” Siwon spoke firstly again, after the long silence.

Yoona turned her head back to the window. Tough the street outside was full of people passing by, she just saw maple leaves spread on it. ‘One mistake made many regrets.’ She was like seeing her unnie, Sunny, once warned her days ago.

“I’m sorry.” Siwon’s voice broke her train of thought. Sincerely, he said the apologize.

Me too. Yoona really wanted to reply back, but her mouth somewhat couldn’t voice a word out. A year with so much perfection. She mused. It wasn’t because the longest relation of hers, but because of him, made it very special. The feeling was too real, but she knew_both of them knew_no use keeping their feeling to each other. Yet she still loved him. She loved all about Siwon oppa. His bad and good side, both easily made her fall.

Siwon sighed. He stared at her face_which still facing the window_deeply. He was such in an effort to remember all about her. All about Yoona never failed to amaze him. Her perfect jawline, soft lips, cheeky cheeks, angelic face, also her voice whenever she laughed, spoke up, even goin mad, he didn’t want to forget them all. He loved her to death, but he knew_both of them knew_no use keeping their hopeless relation.

Yoona lifted her cup, once again, and gulped the tea slowly. Hope this could smoothen her mouth to say something. Carefully, she put the cup back on its place. She motioned her head to face him. Siwon waited.

“I’m sorry too oppa.” A soft apologize and some hint of regret came from Yoona’s mouth. “True, both of us made a mistake.” She nodded.

Over.

Siwon smiled, bitterly. “We know.”

“We do.”

Then they were back to their tea, drank it with some hope it could calm themselves with its magic. At least that was they thought. Quietly, they placed the cup and remained a half inside. Guess they had same thought of measurement.

“Thank you for everything.”

Everything. Your love, your laugh, your smile, your mad, your childishness, your prank, your advice, your suggest, your critic, your cry_everything that you let me feel those precious feeling.

Deep in their heart, feeling of granted fulfilled the empty space of their hurt heart.

Yoona smiled. Even it’s great difficult.

“Thanks for everything too, Siwon-ssi.”

♥♥♥

This afternoon was windy. The sky showed its gloom through the grey color. The leaves were falling from the tree beautifully, signaled about the coming of autumn.

Autumn.

Even winter was better than this sorrow weather.

Sooyoung who was busy caring her plant, shocked of Yoona’s sudden appearance. Out of nowhere, Yoona was already behind her. She looked bad. Terribly bad.

Carefully, Sooyoung led Yoona to sit on the bench_which was Yoona’s favorite place to be alone when she got bad terms.

“What do you want most in this life?” Yoona randomly asked. Her eyes looked up, gazing the grey sky and began teary.

Sooyoung coughed, wasn’t ready with sudden question. “Uhm, money?” She answered unsure. Seriously, that was the most needed thing which people wanted, right? Sooyoung chuckled at her own silly answer, but strangely the girl beside her had no respond. Yoona turned her head and sent meaningful look to Sooyoung.

“I want a time machine.”

Sooyoung puzzled, stopping her chuckle immediately.

“I need time machine for going back to the past, whenever I made a mistake. So I could avoid that mistake for better tomorrow. Besides, I could make mistakes as much as I want.” Yoona continued.

One mistake, many regrets.

If she knew well his character, if she didn’t play with his feeling, if she listened what Sunny unnie said. If . . .

Maybe they shouldn’t walk on this misery. She did hope.

“Yoona, did you…?” Sooyoung couldn’t continue her wonder since her friend already showed the tears. One by one, they rolled down on Yoona’s cheeks. Sooyoung shook her head in disbelief and concern. How could this happen?

Affectionately, she hugged Yoona who trembled hard and comforted her with their power of friendship.

“We just made one mistake.” Whispered softly, Yoona said between her sob. “But it turned out worst.”

Yoona cried her tears out like there’s no tomorrow.

♥♥♥

Iklan

My Super Heroes

“ My Super Heroes “

Sighed, I slumped down into my bed. Another weekend with no activity.

Bored.

Bored.

Bored.

Should I surf on the internet? Oh, I couldn’t bear anymore all the critics that netizens pointed out to me.

Hyelim eh? I think she isn’t appropriate to be part of Wonder Girls.

She NEVER ever can substitute Sunmi’s position!

Lim even not as cute as Sohee =,=

Yeah, I didn’t know when they would accept me as part of Wonder Girls. If you asked whether it hurt, it really hurt. Trainee days wasn’t easy, and getting in Wonder Girls was more difficult. Yeeun unnie seemed so scary, Sohee still sad about Sunmi’s withdrawal, Yubin unnie was fine_just liked in her own world. Fortunately I had super caring unnie, Sunye unnie. I didn’t think being able to be strong if she didn’t support and help me much. Didn’t mean other members were rude, they just like… what to say? Hard to accept? I never thought to be a replacement of Sunmi by the way. Sunmi was Sunmi. Me was me.

Sighed.

“Hyelim-ah, wanna join us?” Sohee peeked through the door. I sat up.

“Odi?”

She chuckled lightly. “Visit Sunmi. Unnies and I miss her unique habit hehe.”

Oh, and what should I do there? Watched them in a longing reunion? Bad idea. But, what if I did when alone in this dorm? No idea.

“Uhm, I think I wanna just have a rest. Tired from practice.” I answered, unsure.

“Really?” Sohee shrugged. “Well then, we’ll go first.” She bid her goodbye.

Silent.

Omo, what should I do??!!!!!

Frustrated, I logged on to twitter.

‘Nice weather eh? Happy weekend :)’ I tweeted. I lied. This weekend I wasn’t happy at all.

‘Do you still in dorm?’ I got message from Sunye unnie in seconds later.

‘Ne’

‘Aigoo, why don’t you join us coming to Sunmi’s apartment? Is there something bothering you?’

‘Anio unnie, just tired :)’

How I loved twitter, I could still smile widely even my lips closed.

Actually this time I wanna cry, I missed my mom, I wanna run away. But you knew, I didn’t even have that bravery. Sometime I was afraid if Jinyoung-nim dumped me from Wonder Girls if I did bit something indiscipline. And I didn’t know how to face all the critics and disappointment from my family. I was scared, very scared.

‘Lim, be ready in ten minutes. Jiyong will pick you up, okay?’ Another message from Sunye unnie. Well, since Jiyong oppa was unnie’s boyfriend, he was closed enough with Wonder Girls. But honestly, I felt awkward if there’s just him and me. He was like… out of rich?

Fast I typed the reply. ‘No need unnie, seriously, I just need a little sleep’

‘Babo! You slept all day like lazy bunny. Don’t worry, we’ll have fun today :D’

Unnie… how I thanked God for giving me such pretty yet kind sister like her.

‘What about Sunmi? Don’t you visit her?’

‘Don’t worry, tomorrow we’ll visit her okay? Nah, let’s get dressed. Jiyong will catch up in five minutes’

~~ Ten Minutes Later ~~

“So, how are you doing?” Jiyong oppa asked as we got on the car. First we would pick Sunye unnie up at Wonder Café, three blocks away before Sunmi’s apartment. She stopped the driver knowing that I didn’t join them, and waited at that café. Then, went to ‘somewhere fun’ as Sunye unnie mentioned last time.

“It is good.” I answered politely. Jiyong laughed quietly.

“Am I like an ajuhssi to you?” He bluntly asked.

“Pardon? Of course not.” I shook my head frantically.

“So, just speak informally to me. I won’t bite, promise.” He smiled. I blushed. Honestly, I didn’t know how to act to the senior like Big Bang. We had to act politely right? Or, should we act cool? Act cool~ hahah!

“Ah, no, I don’t mean that,” I apologized.

“Gwenchana, I just wanna make a good friend with you.”

“T-thanks Ji-Jiyong-ssi,”

“Hyelim-ah, I won’t bite if you call me oppa. You are my dongsaeng anyway.”

“Ne, Jiyong o-oppa. Mian.”

Jiyong chuckled. “You got much pressure right?”

YES!

“Didn’t your unnies help you?”

“Ne. Sunye unnie used to take care of me. She’s very kind unnie.” I could see a slight of proud smile on his lips when I said that.

“Yes she is.” Smiled. “How about the others? Yeeun?”

“Ne, she helped me much in my vocal.”

“Yubin?”

“Ne, Yubin unnie taught me how to rap. She said she still in learning too, but I think she’s already an expert.”

“Haha yeah, I can see that. Her rap skill got much better in this new album.” He nodded in agreement. “How about Sohee?”

“She’s kind, and fun.” But I tired of being compared with her, saying that she’s cute even no longer being a magnae.

“Don’t worry, everyone has own strong and weak point. Maybe you are new, but your rap skill was amazing too. I love it.”

His warm appreciate made my heart fluttered. Happy, also embarrassed. How did he know what I thought? Maybe, since this time I wanna change my perception about him. Jiyong oppa was so kind, same as Sunye unnie. Then they made truly matched couple.

“Unnie~” I sang as run toward her. She was gorgeous even just waiting patiently, sitting on the bench in front of the café with her shades on. It was still early morning so it’s kinda quite here.

“Finally.” Sunye unnie smiled, hugged me. Then looked at the guy behind me. “He didn’t get you in danger with his bad driving right?” She joked.

“Ouw, babe, I’ve got my license years ago, and how I would involve her in danger if you gonna kill me after that?”

“Psh!” Sunye unnie rolled her eyes, as Jiyong oppa slightly kissed her lips. U-uh, was I disturbing them?

“Nah, gaja!” Unnie yelled as holding my hand and dragged me to Jiyong oppa’s car.

“Where will we go?” I asked wondered.

“Where will we go honey?” Unnie flirted to her boyfriend.

“Uhm… what about you guessed Lim?” With that line both of them sent a knowing look to each other.

“Amusement park?” Answered me unsure.

“Puahahaha..!” Jiyong oppa laughed really hard while unnie held the laughter. She smacked oppa’s head and made him shut up.

“Emm, gaja. We’ll see it later.” Unnie said.

“Pfft,” Jiyong oppa still tried to hold his laugh.

Babo Hyelim. Amusement park? How old are you?

~ Thirty Minutes Later ~

I thought I fell asleep around the trip, cuz when Sunye unnie woke me up, we already at the place.

“Where is—OMO!” I was shocked. Looking around to check if it’s true or just dream, I got unnie and oppa smiled all widely to me.

“OMO!” I was still surprised, my hand covered my mouth cuz I still couldn’t believe this. My tears were gonna come out now.

“Welcome home Hyelim-ah.” Sunye unnie whispered, softly touched my shoulder.

“Woo Hye Lim?! Aigoo, is it real that you’re back?!” My mom came out and yelled.

“OMMA!” I yelled out and hugged her. Oh my, I did miss her scent.

“Oh, Sunye-ssi,” My mom turned to where couple stood up. They bowed politely.

“Anneyong hasimnikka, Mrs. Woo.”

“Omo, you are more beautiful than what I saw at TV!” She exclaimed, hugged Sunye unnie lovingly.

“Gomapda.”

“And, aren’t you G-Dragon of Big Bang?” Mom faced oppa this time. Jiyong oppa answered moderately. “You also come here, are you…” My mom was speechless for knowing out the truth.

“Ne, I’m friend of Wonder Girls.”

I stood closer to my mom and whispered. “Omma, didn’t you see the news? They’re rumoured to be couple, and yes, they are.”

“OH REALLY?!”

My my, I was regret telling her the truth. She sometime so exaggerating.

“You both are cute! I’m looking forward to see your children, must be really cute too like you!” She exclaimed happily, while Sunye unnie blushed all madly and Jiyong oppa smirked confidently.

“Yes, we also look forward to it.” He said and nudged Sunye unnie teasingly.

“Come in, have a seat please. You guys are in right time, I just finished baking cake. Hold on, I’ll bring it here. Oh, almost forget. Hyelim-ah, appa and your brother just in minute went fishing, you know, like usual.”

My mom bubbled as walking to the kitchen.

I looked at Sunye unnie who sat beside me. “Unnie, gomaweo.” I whispered, holding back my tears.

“There’s no need to thank about Hyelim-ah, after all you still have your mother that you must respect.” Sunye unnie hugged me tight. I felt my shoulder wet when she hugged me.

“Unnie, why are you crying?”

She wiped her tears. “Haha, nothing to worry.”

Then it hit me.

Sunye unnie was an orphan.

She must miss her mother so bad right now.

Jiyong oppa tapped unnie’s back softly, gave her courage.

“Unnie, mianhe,”

“Ssh, it’s okay Lim.”

“You can get my mother as yours unnie.”

“Thank you—“

“She already has mother-in-law Hyelim-ah,” Jiyong oppa suddenly cut unnie’s grateful. “Right, my wife-to-be?” He smiled teasingly.

Sunye unnie who was embarrassed just slapped oppa’s hand lightly.

I smiled to them.

To my heroes: Sunye unnie and Jiyong oppa.

It was them when I really need someone to count on.

Sunye unnie never bored to take care of me.

Jiyong oppa never failed to courage me.

How I loved they and I really wished their love story ended in a sacred marriage.

“Unnie, oppa, thanks so much.” Gladly, I smiled to both of them.

“Finally! U-uh, I think you’ll never say thank you to me.” Jiyong oppa grinned—“Ow!” and earned slap from her lovely girlfriend.

“Feel free to speak up your mind Lim, you are not alone for real.”

I nodded.

Happily.

enTahLah

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Entahlah apa yang sebenarnya ingin kutulis… Sebuah catatan harian mungkin? Tidak mungkin, itu adalah rahasia pribadi, butuh super-security untuk menuliskannya! Atau sebuah cerita romantis yang mengesankan? Ah, kenapa tangan ini terlalu malas untuk sekedar mengetiknya? Aish,, Jangan salahkan tangan, otak yang terlalu lemot untuk diajak kompromi, tak bisa bekerja optimal. Aduh, apa itu menunjukkan ketololanku? … Baca lebih lanjut

heartmade

This gallery contains 1 photo.

tidak, hatiku tidak terbuat dari kaca yang indah menawan, dan harus dibanting untuk menghancurkannya bukan pula dipahat dari batu yang tegar dan kokoh, hingga membutuhkan godam tuk merusaknya   hatiku ini… hanyalah kumpulan rumput kering yang dianyam ditiup semilir angin kan terurai berai didekati secuil api kan hangus tapi,, ia mudah dibentuk_dianyam kembali dari rerumputan … Baca lebih lanjut

iT’s Time To The PasT..

Bismillahirrahminirrahiim..

Aku ingin membahas tentang masa lalu. ‘Masa lalu’ yang pernah kualami dan membuatku sesak. Percaya atau tidak, masa lalu bagiku adalah sebuah momok yang mengerikan. Bukan karena ia termasuk kejadian pahit yang pernah kualami, namun lebih karena ia terlalu ‘mewah’ di mataku. Masa laluku adalah masa-masa wah yang menyenangkan, penuh kebahagiaan, dan segalanya yang begitu menceriakan. Wah pokoknya..

Dan mengingat duniaku kini, terasa sesak untuk mengenang sebuah masa lalu. Bukan hanya cinta, tapi semua yang berkaitan tentang hidup: keluarga, teman, kekasih, musuh, keharuan, perpisahan, .. Ini murni kurasakan sendiri, bahwa hidupku mengalami penurunan secara perlahan. Bukan seperti halnya kerut-kerut wajah yang mulai timbul saat kita beranjak tua, tapi lebih seperti mengonsumsi drugs dari dosis ringan menuju dosis yang tak bisa terlepaskan. Tak terasa, namun begitu menuntut. Sesungguhnya aku ingin lepas dari bayang-bayang masa lalu, yang bagiku lebih seperti hari-hari yang terlalu berharga daripada diriku kini. Namun begitu  aku bersiap melangkah dengan semangat baru, masa laluku kembali menghadang. Bukan, bukan seperti hantu yang menjadi mimpi burukku tapi seperti menonton film di bioskop. Membuatku terpaku, membuatku gagu, tak mampu lagi meneruskan langkahku. Blank. Sebenarnya apa yang sedang kulakukan? Hanya itu yang terngiang di otakku.

Entahlah, sudah berapa lama aku terperangkap dalam pikiran sempitku ini, tapi niat selalu ada dan semoga tak pernah lakang oleh waktu yang semakin cepat berlari. Tersadar, bahwa diriku hanyalah manusia yang lemah, yang tak mampu bertahan hidup jika tidak tanpaNya.

 

jujur aku ingin melangkah

walau penuh peluh dalam payah

tetap ku ingin maju

walau sulit hanya selangkah

walau selalu ragu

walau tak tahu arah

walau terjebak semu

aku tetap ingin melangkah,

Tuhan, aku ingin melangkah maju

dan tak berkubang

dalam kenangan lalu..


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Tentang “Syukur”

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim…

Mengawali tulisan pertamaku, berharap akan lancar sesuai keinginan(ku). Ini adalah murni pengalaman pribadi, seorang gadis imut dan manis dengan dunia standarnya. Kenapa dikatakan “standar”? Karena yah, ia seorang cewek standar, dengan pendidikan standar, dari sebuah keluarga standar, dan mengidamkan cowok standar: yang tampan, yang romantis, yang cool, yang perhatian, yang… Ehem! Sebelum aku mulai membelok lebih jauh, dari kehidupanku yang dibilang standar ada sedikit teguran halus dariNya. Begitu halus. Menyesap dalam hati tanpa terasa.

Hal itu kerap kali terjadi saat ku mengendarai motor untuk menimba ilmu di sebuah kampus (ehem! yang standar). Motor yang kupakai adalah motor standar, Shagun berapa gitu walau baru beberapa bulan lalu dibeli. Di tengah perjalanan aku teringat mbakku yang ngampus dengan motor standarnya juga, tapi Subhanallah, kalau ditelaah (halah) lebih dalam kenyamanan motor standarku lebih dari miliknya. Motor standar mbakku adalah Kymco keluaran jaman jebot, motor pertama yang dimiliki keluargaku. Sudah tiga orang menjadi korban keganasannya. Mbakku, aku, dan sepupuku pernah atraksi jungkir balik dengan motor itu. Namun mungkin karena itu motor standar yang keramat, mbakku masih keukeuh memakainya. Sudah berganti body beberapa kali. Keluar masuk bengkel, diutak-atik paklekku, dan berganti-ganti ban. Entahlah, sepertinya ia punya ikatan yang kuat dengan mbakku. Tentu saja ini adalah ikatan yang lebih dari standar.

Kembali pada kenyamanan motor standar. Motor yang dipakai mbakku diibaratkan seperti orang yang termasuk golongan ‘lansia’ aka lanjut usia. Jalannya mulai perlu tongkat, batuknya mulai parah, dan nafasnya mulai tersengal. Begitu juga dengannya (eh, maksudnya motor mbakku). Kecepatan gigi tiga, gigi empat, sama saja dengan gigi dua. Sedang motor standar yang biasa kupakai ngampus? Jangan salah, kecepatan standarnya seperti topan menerjang (sumpah, ini mah hiperbol banget). Remnya mulai seret dan berat motornya jangan dikira bo, muantap! Kymco memang sering keluar dengan body-body bahenol alias buerat! Padahal mbakku itu kueciil, ringkih, lemah, rapuh, ah…

Di sini aku mulai tersadar. Ibarat cerita komik sang tokoh akan digambar close up dengan mata melotot dan efek apa itu gak tau namanya, kayak sinar-sinar gitu. Sss… seperti ada sesuatu yang lembut yang mnyusup ke dalam hati. Subhanallah, ternyata aku kurang bersyukur saudara-saudara! Tinggal di rumah sendiri (gak ngekos) dengan segala fasilitas yang ada masih sering membuatku mengeluh. Disuruh papi mami (ihiiirrr, papi-mami!) masih sering mendebatnya, menolak untuk melaksanakan perintah mereka. Masih kurang memberikan kasih sayang untuk adik semata wayang, sering memarahi tanpa alasan yang jelas. Masih sering jengkel dengan teman-teman di kampus, dan ngedumel di belakang dosen. Ah… ya Allah, tiba-tiba saja aku merasa malu. Pipiku bersemu, jantungku berdenyut kencang, kepalaku memanas (hehe, itu efek apa ya?). Aku mendesah. Pilu. Kemudian berkata dalam hati. Merdu. Alhamdulillah

Perjalanan panjang ke kampus itupun menjadi sarat hikmah untukku. Penuh dengan makna. Penuh inspirasi. Dan juga penuh dengan rasa syukur padaNya. Ya Allah, betapa selama ini aku selalu menjadi hambaMu yang tak tahu diri atas segala karunia yang Kau berikan.

Sekali lagi, diriku ini hanyalah gadis standar dengan penampilan standar dan mungkin juga pikiran standar dan lain-lain serba standar, but the most obviously one: I have GREAT Lord, yang tak bisa dibandingkan oleh siapapu-apapun di dunia ini, terlebih yang jauh dari pikiran standarku. Yang memiliki hal-hal tak terduga yang luar biasa.

Subhanallah wal hamdulillah wa laa ilaha illallah huwallahu akbar!

Maka saudaraku, sudahkah anda bersyukur kemarin dan hari ini?

Dan siapkah anda bersyukur untuk esok hari?

 

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